I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
