best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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