...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Randomize
