Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
