if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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