Dual....:-)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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