I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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