Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
