Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
