And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
