i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
