Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
