We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She said her name was "party"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
