Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drake has all the answers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
