You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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