please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
