R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize