Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't just leave with hair like that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
