So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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