Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
