need another drink. this is the easiest way
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
