Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the day after is always just damage control
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
