GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
