I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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