well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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