You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
