omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
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