he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
