I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
