matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
