She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
only you would photoshop your dick
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
