Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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