i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize