he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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