I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Welp...herpes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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