I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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