i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
