every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
