I feel like I'm in dance class right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
