allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
be right there i have to get my cape
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
