she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
