I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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