you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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