I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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