when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
