at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
