It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
