I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
