i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
