Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
