dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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