??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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