just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
