i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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