have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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