She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
