She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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