just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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