She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
