good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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