At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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