I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
