I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
