I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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