I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
