So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
