The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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