I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
