just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
