did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
