I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
