I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
