someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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