Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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