there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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