That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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