Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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